


Those Who Wander Are Not Lost

by Nachtkind



Series: The Long Road [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Although Klaus won't appear until later chapters, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, Mostly sober Klaus Hargreeves, Not s02 compliant, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28623447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachtkind/pseuds/Nachtkind
Summary: The siblings travel back to their childhood bodies to prevent the Apocalypse.  Mission completed, they jump their minds back to the future - but their lives continue on.  Now, thirteen years later - a lot has changed.  Klaus has become all but lost to the family.  A dark secret revealed will make them question everything.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves
Series: The Long Road [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119338
Comments: 18
Kudos: 192





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tags were updated to reflect events of final chapter. Some minor edits made 1/21/21 when creating the series links for the work. The main plot is contained in this first work. The rest of the series will be some one-shots that take place in the same universe.

Ben is driving when it hits him like a wash of icy cold water – dragging the air from his lungs and leaving his head reeling. He manages to pull his car over to the side of the road and sits for a moment waiting for the world to stop spinning. All he can hear is the pounding of his heart and his labored breaths as his body struggles to take in air.

_Oh god, he had died. So long ago it felt like another life, it was another life, he had died. He had died and he had come back and now he was here and he remembered. He REMEMBERED. The Apocalypse – they had stopped the Apocalypse. Vanya blew up the moon – it was impossible, but he was there – he had seen it. He had died. And he had still been there – as a ghost, dead but still there. He had been with Klaus.. Klaus._

A sob rips out and it is like the breaking of a great tide.

_I need to calm down. Vanya, I need to call Vanya._

Still a little shaky, Ben looks around for the closest payphone. _I need to call Vanya._

****

The phone only rings once before it is picked up.

“Hello?” Vanya’s voice is faded and distant through the payphone.

“Vanya – thank god! Are you ok?”

“Ben – I’m fine – I’m – it’s a bit much, but yeah, I’m ok. Where are you? Are you ok?”

“I’m at a payphone off Jackson. I was driving home. I’m.. I’m safe – but I just... it’s a lot to process right now.”

“I know what you mean. I just got off the phone with Luther. Five showed up – he’s at the academy. We are all meeting there. We can talk then.”

“Five’s back? Of course, that makes sense.” _This is when he would have arrived the first time._ “What about the others?”

“Luther’s going to call them. I’m sure Diego will meet us at the academy. Allison is still in LA – I’m not sure if she’ll be able to come back out again so soon, but Luther’s going to ask her to.”

“Good, I was headed home – but I can just go straight to the academy. I’ll probably be there in about 20 minutes.”

“I’m leaving now- I should be there before you.” There is a pause on the line before Vanya speaks again. “Ben.. are you sure you’re ok?”

There is another pause as Ben searches for the words. “I’m not, but I will be. It’s just... Vanya, I... ...Klaus.”

It is Vanya’s turn to search for the words. “...I know...come to the academy. We can talk more there. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

***

Seventeen years ago the Umbrella Academy almost caused the Apocalypse. Seventeen years ago Vanya had blasted the moon, and the ensuing debris had almost ended all life on Earth. Seventeen years ago Five had collected them, including the faded fragment of Ben that was still clinging to Klaus, and took them all back in time. Seventeen years ago they had woken up in their thirteen year old bodies – adult memories intact – one day before Five’s argument at the dinner table and subsequent trip to the future. For four years they lived in the past – training Vanya in secret while Five worked on the probability curves that would chart a way out of the end of the world. And this time it was different. 

This time, Ben didn’t die. This time, Klaus didn’t fall into the spiral of addiction. This time, Five was there with them. This time, they were just a little closer and a little bit more like a family. And once their mission was done – they went back. Five took their consciousness back to 2019, back to the moment of the Apocalypse, April 1, 2019 – back to the present.

But their bodies remained in 2006, and their lives continued. Ben remembers the day 13 years ago when they returned their consciousness back to 2019 like it happened seconds ago. Holding hands in a circle – preparing for the jump. But he also remembers that moment right after, the memory faded and distant after thirteen years. The moment when his adult consciousness left for the future – and he had... forgotten. Just forgotten that he had been 30 years old living in a teenage body. That he had seen the end of the world. That he had died in another timeline and spent thirteen years as a ghost, living on the streets, just him and Klaus. He remembers the seven of them standing in a circle – sharing a brief confusion about what they were all doing holding hands in the attic. He was seventeen. He was living at the academy – and he went on living.

And now he has two lifetimes in his mind. He can remember all of it. The second life, the real life (the actual life, when he wasn’t – well, dead) was nothing like the first. He had been accepted to college at eighteen and left the academy. It hadn’t been completely straightforward getting into a school of his choice. He didn’t have any academic records to his name, but his test scores were excellent and there were some advantages to being infamous - some doors that open that might not have opened otherwise.

College had been great. The freedom was dizzying. It had taken him a while to sort out the complex web of normal social interaction – to pick through the people who were trying to get close to the Horror from those who wanted to know him, Ben. It wasn’t perfect, the Umbrella Academy left a lot of scars, but it had been a good life. He had a career he loved, teaching at a small liberal arts college in the city, writing in his spare time. The family was close, all things considered; closer than they had been last time around. The only thing missing, and just thinking about it made guilt settle like a hard rock in the bottom of his gut, was Klaus. No one had seen or heard anything from Klaus since he had left thirteen years ago - one month after their adult consciousness returned to the future, two weeks after Five had time jumped, never to return.

****

Much like the first time around, the loss of two members of the Academy was the catalyst that led to its dissolution. After Five lost his memories of time travel, he once again became obsessed with exploring that facet of his powers. When Five left, it didn’t happen the same way – he was seventeen; he was more mature – and the jump was less an act of rebellion and more a conscious effort to expand his powers. During the previous four years Ben, Five, and Vanya had taken to training together. This was, after all, why they had returned to the past – to train Vanya and prevent the Apocalypse. Even after they lost the memory of why they had started extra training together, they didn’t forget that this had become their new normal. The bonds they built, the day to day patterns of their lives – very little changed after they forgot the time travel.

Ben was with Five the day he left. They had been training in the courtyard, Ben and Five. Vanya had joined them but was only watching this time, since they hadn’t yet revealed to Reginald that she not only knew she had powers but was actually quite adept at using them. Five had explained to the others what he was going to do, attempt an interval series of time jumps to the future and then back again. And like a fool Ben had just listened and watched, more curious than worried about what Five was attempting. But as the minutes wore onto hours, and Five still hadn’t returned – the dread and the guilt began to grow. By that night it seemed clear that Five might not be returning and Ben knew he would regret that day for the rest of his life.

When Klaus left two weeks later, disappearing in the night without a note or a word to anyone – it felt almost inconsequential after the loss of Five. It hurt – it would have hurt Ben to lose anyone in his family, and he did love Klaus - but Ben was already so tied up in the pain of losing Five and emotionally raw from the blow out fights that were tearing through the academy that it just seemed like one more drop in an already overflowing bucket. Ben could remember a brief time when he and Klaus had been close. He couldn’t remember what started it, but there was period back when they were about thirteen that they had snuck into each other’s rooms almost every night. They hadn’t been particularly close before – but overnight they were inseparable. It didn’t last. Over the next four years, Klaus had become increasingly withdrawn, spending more and more time alone. With the memories of the shared past between them lost, there was little in their day to day lives to reflect that the two had ever known more than a few whispered confessions in the night.

Until, thirteen years later – on the evening of April 1, 2019 – when Ben remembered everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't clear, Five jumped to the day of the Apocalypse because that is where he jumped the first time when he was thirteen and his time jump at seventeen paralleled that. At first, I was thinking he would need to arrive the day after the events in this chapter (since he arrived after the first Apocalypse) - but then I decided the first time everything might have happened just a few hours earlier than the main timeline in S01 - since the confrontation between Vanya/Leonard and the siblings wouldn't have been at her concert.
> 
> *Edited for typos and tense correction


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started this, I didn't expect to write anything from Luther's POV - but it was just the best way to fill in a little background. It's a super mean first paragraph, but Luther is just in a very bad headspace at this point in time.

It isn’t until Luther regains his memories of his first lifetime that he finally realizes what an absolute, utter complete failure he is at living. The feeling had been growing since that terrible afternoon when he had awoken in the infirmary, misshapen and no longer quite human – but there is a certain strength of mind that develops after a long period of isolation and he was able to shove the feeling down and ignore it. Until he remembers - and then he knows that his unwillingness to move on from the aspirations of his father had led to him to losing his humanity and being shipped to the moon not just once, but twice. Everyone had been given a second chance, and yet here he is – once again a disgusting, lonely ape man on a steady decline ever since the academy broke up over a decade before.

Some things are better. He isn’t quite as isolated this lifetime. His relationship with Diego isn’t quite as strained. Vanya never published the book and they get along well. In fact, of all the siblings he probably sees her the most. He feels closer with Allison than Vanya, but she lives in LA and just isn’t as present in his life. Ben – everything is better with Ben this lifetime – because Ben is alive and now that Luther can remember losing Ben the first time, he will never stop appreciating that. Klaus is gone, and Luther does regret that failure, but then he and Klaus had never been that close in the first lifetime either – and really, could you call that thing Klaus was doing in the first lifetime living? Up until five hours ago Luther would have said that Five was also lost – but then Five had burst in from the courtyard seventeen years old and ecstatic from the success of his first time jump. Four hours later Five and Luther remembered that Five was mentally sixty-two years old and that they had done it – they had stopped the Apocalypse.

****

Luther, Vanya, and Five are all in the sitting room when Ben arrives. “Hi guys, sorry it took me so long – some people on the road can’t drive and traffic was backed up through the freeway.”

“Ben,” Vanya stands up to give Ben a greeting hug. Luther follows suit, awkwardly hunching down to hug Ben – careful to keep some space between their bodies and trying not to squeeze too hard. 

Ben looks over to Five, still sitting at the bar with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. “Five, what the _hell_ was that, I thought I’d never seen you again.” His face is joyful, not angry. Ben hurries over to embrace Five – who does not budge from his seat. 

Only someone who knows Five as well as Ben does could see the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth and recognize it for a display of affection. “Ben. Don’t forget, from my perspective it has only been a few hours. But I am glad to see you here; I wasn’t sure if you would make it to 2019.”

“Wouldn’t make it? What does that mean?” Vanya asks.

“I wasn’t sure if the Commission was going to come after Ben. By all rights, he shouldn’t be here.”

“And you didn’t think to tell us this?” Luther sounds angry but Five is unperturbed. 

“Like I said, I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t see anything in the probability maps to indicate the Commission would.. object.. to this particular change in the timeline, but it was always possible that I was wrong. Unlikely, but not impossible.”

“Well, ok then. Nice to see I’m still here,” Ben says flatly, “but I agree with Luther that you should have shared this with us.”

“Why, what would have been the point? You would have forgotten the day we time jumped back to the future anyway,” Five says.

Vanya shakes her head briefly then looks at Five, “Speaking of the Commission – what now? Do we need to worry about them? Will they be coming after us?”

“No,” says Five, “we should be safe. It’s not that easy to trigger the Apocalypse, and we’ve effectively closed all of the possibilities that would lead to Vanya losing control. There is no purpose for the Commission to try and take us out. Truthfully, the Apocalypse was averted a few months into our foray in the past, but if you recall there were some... other things... I wanted to address while we were back there. Successfully I might add.” Five is looking straight at Ben, smirking slightly.

“And we’re all thankful for that,” Vanya adds, smiling.

Ben’s face falls. Of course he is glad to be alive, but talking about changing the timeline is a reminder that this time through they lost Klaus. “Thanks Five,” he says – keeping his thoughts to himself. “Is Allison coming?”

Luther’s face darkens slightly. “No, she can’t make it out. They had already pushed her shooting schedule for dad’s funeral last month. She didn’t want to push it further. But she did say that if we needed her, or if there was going to be trouble with the Apocalypse, we should call her right away.”

“I should call her,” Vanya says, “she must be having a hard time right now.”

“A hard time?” Luther looks confused.

“She just realized she lost Claire,” Vanya explains. “I know she wouldn’t give up Justin and Andrew for the world, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to be hard to lose Claire. And she told me once that she had always wanted to have a daughter.”

“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” Luther says.

“Luther, I love you – but you have the emotional awareness of a potato,” Ben comments.

******

Diego doesn’t arrive until after dinner. “Sorry I’m late. Had to update Dora on everything.”

“You told Eudora about the time travel?” Luther asks accusingly.

“Of course I did.” Diego’s temper is softer in this lifetime, but he is still quick to be aggravated. “What kind of husband would keep that secret. Eudora and I don’t do secrets. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“Hey, you think Allison told Grant?” Ben asks with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Of course not,” Diego says, punctuating the statement by pointing his finger at Ben. “Allison doesn’t have a partner. She has a lackey she keeps at her every beck and call.”

“If you morons are done talking about our sister’s love life,” Five interrupts, “let’s move on to more important matters.”

“Diego, you haven’t seen Five in thirteen years and this is how you greet him?” Ben asks.

“Hold on there professor – I came by earlier during my shift. I just couldn’t stay while I was on duty. I’m already in enough hot water at work as it is,” Diego cuts back.

“As I was saying,” Five raises his voice to override any further discussion from his family, “let’s move on to more important matters. Now all of us are accounted for except for one person – Klaus. Luther has already filled me in with what happened to him after I left, but I want to hear it from you, Ben, because you understood Klaus the best.”

“Did I?” Ben’s voice is heavy with self-accusation. “How can you say I understood him when I just let him drift away? I should have prevented it. I should have been there for him so that he wouldn’t have been all alone – so that he wouldn’t have just left us.” As soon as Ben got his memories back he knew he had let Klaus down. If he hadn’t let Klaus become so isolated during those four years, then maybe he wouldn’t have left without a word. Maybe he would have said something before disappearing into the night.

“Ben, I know you are feeling really guilty right now,” Vanya says softly, “but it wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.”

“Vanya, I know you are trying to help – but there is nothing you are going to say that could make me feel better because I lost Klaus. _I_ lost him. I was supposed to be there for him, and I wasn’t.”

Five is surprisingly gentle when he interrupts. “I think we all can share the blame for letting Klaus keep himself so isolated. It’s not on you Ben. Let’s stick to the facts. Klaus is lost, but we don’t know if he is dead - so the first step is to find out what happened to him. Ben, do you know what was going on with Klaus before we returned to the future? In hindsight, it seems clear that he changed in the four years we were there. I was too tied up with my equations to notice – that was careless.”

“Was is it the mausoleum? He told us dad wasn’t putting him in there this time,” Luther asks Ben.

When the siblings had arrived in the past, Ben had pressed Klaus to share more of his history with the rest of the family. Intentionally, this was done in front of everyone during one of their frequent “family meetings” in the attic. Ben knew he had to force Klaus’ hand or nothing would ever get out into the open. Even then, Ben had done most of the explaining. Klaus had bitched and pouted, and generally been as contrary as possible, but Ben knew that if Klaus was going to try and stay sober this time – he was going to need understanding from the rest of the family. 

The thing Ben understood about Klaus was that he didn’t keep secrets – but he also didn’t share them either. Klaus was fiercely self-reliant, never expecting or asking for help from anybody. He lived in a world of his own, seeing and hearing things that no one else could experience, and he never bothered to try and bring anyone in with him. He would never _explain_. If you wanted to know what was going on with Klaus – you had to watch for the subtle signs. You had to probe the offhand comments that didn’t seem to make any sense. Ben knew this, and he thought that he had been watching out for Klaus. In truth, Ben and Klaus hadn’t physically been spending a lot of time together in the past, but they had remained close, or so he thought. Ben could not have known that they would lose their memories and Klaus would leave like he did, but that didn’t make him feel any less guilty.

“No, it wasn’t the mausoleum. Klaus would have told me if he was going back.” Ben’s voice is low. “It was the ghosts. Specifically, it was our ghosts. Once we started going on more missions, the number of ghosts started to get worse. Klaus really wanted to stay sober this time – but he was struggling.”

“Do you think it was drugs then?” Vanya asks softly.

“No, I don’t think so. Unless something changed in that month between our jump and him leaving. I’m sure he was still sober before then.”

Nobody protests at this. Four years in the past had built a trust between Klaus and his family that wasn’t there before.

“He had been working on his powers – but he was never able to fully banish the ghosts. He could.. hide from them, hide his presence from them – like a blanket. So they wouldn’t follow him around and bother him as much. But he couldn’t send them away. It was why he spent so much time in his room. Ghosts tend to stay in the same room as the person they are haunting. Klaus would go to his room to get away from our ghosts. Including mine. We had an agreement – we were always there for each other, but if he needed something – he had to come to me. If it wasn’t serious, then it probably wasn’t worth putting up with my ghosts.”

****

_“Ben?” A fifteen-year-old Klaus softly asks as he opens the door to Ben’s room and slips in._

_It’s late, but Ben is only now changing into his pajamas, having just slipped in through the window._

_“Klaus, what’s up? Is everything alright?”_

_“Yeah, it’s fine. I heard a commotion – you should let Luther know that he has the sneaking ability of a wounded badger and that if he doesn’t keep it down you are all going to be soooo busted.”_

_“Ok, I’ll tell him, but is that really why you felt the need to sneak into my room at 2 in the morning?”_

_“Can’t I check in with my favorite brother? Where did you go tonight... Griddy’s?” Klaus is cruising the room, fiddling with the items on Ben’s desk and bookcase – looking everywhere but Ben’s face._

_Ben knows immediately what Klaus is getting at. He is hurt that everyone went to Griddy’s and he wasn’t invited. “Klaus, I’m sorry. I knew you wouldn’t want to come with us.”_

_Klaus stops his tour and looks at Ben. “It’s ok – I understand. You’re right, I wouldn’t have come. But.. next time, could you still let me know?” Klaus instantly gets more animated and his tone picks up. “I like to be the debutant at the ball you know. You can ask, but no promises I can give you a dance.”_

_“Sure Klaus, next time I’ll ask.”_

_And Ben does ask. And Klaus does not join them._

*****

“It’s not enough,” Five states.

“What?” asks Ben.

“The ghosts, it’s not enough to explain what happened with Klaus.”

“Well, I told you what I know. He was supposed to come to me. If there was something else... I didn’t know about it.”

There is a momentary silence as the others wait for Five to arrange his plans. Five rises abruptly, closing the meeting, “Luther and I will go through dad’s notes tomorrow. We’ll see if there is anything there that can give us a lead.”

*****

The next evening Luther calls the siblings to let them know they found something; there would be a family meeting the following day.

When everyone arrives one of the small televisions from the surveillance room had been brought down to the sitting room. The arrangement looked similar to the meeting in their first lifetime when Luther had proposed to shut their mom down.

“What, did the bastard kill himself in this lifetime too?” Diego asks, walking into the room.

“W.. no... I mean.. I don’t think so...” Luther says.

“This meeting is about Klaus,” Five says, “We found something in dad’s records. It’s not pretty. Vanya, you might want to leave the room.”

“What? no – I’m staying! Klaus is my brother – whatever it is, if everyone else can see it I am too.”

“Vanya’s staying,” Ben says firmly.

“Look,” Five says, “I’m not trying to exclude anyone. The video is very graphic. Vanya hasn’t been exposed to as much violence as the rest of us. I was just trying to protect her.”

“I’m not a child,” Vanya says.

Five just shrugs and gives Luther a nod to start the video. The image is fuzzy and grey; the siblings watch with mounting horror as a young Klaus is led into the room by Grace and Pogo and strapped down to a hospital bed. The only sound in the room is a gasp from Vanya as Reginald uses a small pillow to smother Klaus.

“What is this?” Vanya asks softly.

“Extermination trials,” Five’s voice is completely flat. “Apparently Klaus’ special training was a little different the second time.”

“There are... more..” Ben asks the question like it is a statement. The blood is roaring in his ears.

“Considerably,” Five states. “Reginald tried a variety of methods, asphyxiation, blood loss, stab wounds, drowning, electrocution. He would have made quite a name for himself at the Commission; he had quite the talent for cold blooded murder.”

“What the fuck is this?” Diego looks murderous.

“Does that mean Klaus can’t die?” Vanya asks – looking between Five and Ben.

Five looks at Ben and raises his eyebrow in an unspoken question.

“We weren’t sure. There were a few times when we suspected... and there was one time, right before the Apocalypse, when Klaus mentioned he had met God – but it isn’t something you test.”

“Unless your Reginald Fucking Hargreeves,” Diego looks like he might be ready to break something – and there is no one in the room that would try and stop him.

“Well, I guess we know now,” Five states simply.

****

_“Does anyone have anything new to discuss?” Luther kicks off their weekly family meeting in the attic with the usual question._

_“I do!” Klaus seems uncharacteristically angry._

_“Alright, Klaus...” Luther sounds slightly annoyed. The siblings had only been in the past a few months and although Luther was starting to reevaluate his opinions of Klaus, there was still a ways to go and he was constantly fighting the impulsive surge of annoyance he still felt whenever Klaus was loud and disruptive._

_“Dad has been fucking killing me in special training.”_

_“What do you mean?” Ben asks, brow crumpled._

_“I mean, my special training is killing me. I can’t do this shit guys. I can’t take it.”_

_“Klaus, I know special training is hard,” Luther fails at sounding patient, “but you are going to need to learn to control your powers so you can stay sober.”_

_“You’re not listening!” Klaus exclaims._

_“Klaus, is dad putting you in the mausoleum again?” Vanya asks._

_“No, but this is like ten bajillion times worse.” Klaus’ voice is high._

_“Klaus, what do you want us to do?” Allison asks._

_“Do? What do I want you to do? I want to go back to the fucking future is what I want because this is not what I signed up for.”_

_“Klaus, you know we can’t do that. Look – why don’t you try doing some extra training with Five so that you can make some faster progress. Once you start to get things under control, it won’t be so bad.”_

_“What! That doesn’t even remotely sound like a solution!” Klaus responds. “There is no way we haven’t stopped the Apocalypse now. Vanya is off her meds, she understands her powers, she’s not going to go all crazy weapon of mass destruction on us. Why are we even still here?!”_

_“You’re right Klaus,” Five states. “We have averted the Apocalypse. But right now I’m exploring another possibility. I haven’t said anything because I wanted to be sure, but it looks like this might be a good time to bring it up. I think I can save Ben.”_

_“Ben?” All of the anger drains out of Klaus, but his eyes are empty and despondent._

_“Don’t looks so happy about it,” Ben says, a little sharply, but inside he feels nothing but euphoria._

_“No, that’s great.” Klaus puts on a smile and comes over to give Ben a hug. “Ok then, I’m in. Anything is worth getting Ben back.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we finally get to check in with Klaus :-)


	3. Chapter 3

_Klaus opens his eyes to a grey sky above him._

_“You’re back. You need to stop coming here.” Klaus ignores the Little Girl, staring instead at the sky. She sighs loudly. “Get up, you’re wasting my time.”_

_“You’re free to go,” Klaus says, finally acknowledging her._

_“I don’t want you here. It’s not your time. And your family shouldn’t have come to the past. I don’t like your siblings.”_

_Klaus stands up and looks at the little girl. “First you don’t like me, now you don’t like my family. What bug crawled up your ass? Do you even like anything?”_

_“I don’t like people that interrupt My Plan. And you and your family are interrupting My Plan.”_

_Klaus scratches the back of his head, thinking about that. “Your plan? What, the Apocalypse? Are you saying you_ want _the Apocalypse to happen?”_

_“First of all, I don’t discuss My Plan with anyone. But no, I don’t_ want _anything. You don’t understand yet, but you will. Now, it is time to go back.”_

_“What, so soon? I just got here. You got to tell me – can I see him? Please, this is important –“_

_But everything goes black before Klaus can get an answer._

*****

When Klaus remembers his first lifetime he is alone, wrapped in a blanket looking at a sky covered in stars. There is no outward sign that something has changed except for a small softly whispered sound, “Oh,” more like a sigh than anything else.

The next morning Klaus chews his lip as he goes through the normal morning routine, cleaning out the night’s ash from the woodburning stove and lighting a new fire to boil some water for breakfast. Outside, the air is crisp and clear; snow blanketing the shady woods around but already starting to look patchy in the sunny meadow to the north side of the cabin. _I’ll need to call the academy, but what was that number again? Would Diego still have the same phone number? Unlikely. It’s going to have to be the academy. Hopefully I can remember it._ He pulls on his snow boots but leaves his gloves and hat on the bench by the door as he heads out to take his daily observations. He doesn’t know exactly what the information he is gathering is for – some climate data this or that – but it is the reason he is able to stay here _(legally – because it isn’t like there is anyone else up here anyway)_ , and he’s grateful that Tony set him up with the opportunity. In exchange for collecting data for a Postdoc at the University of Colorado, the school is allowing him to stay at one of the mountain cabins maintained by the Biology department. _Should I head down to make the call today? It’s only Tuesday and Randall’s not scheduled to pass by here until Friday so I would have to go by foot. Not a problem, except if I can’t actually remember the phone number – I would have made the trip for nothing. No, better to wait until Friday when I was planning on going in anyway._

The thought of calling the academy fills Klaus with dread. He knows it is foolish – he is thirty years old. Even in the first timeline, Reggie was not able to keep his grip on any of the academy members once they came of age – except for Luther of course, but that was self-inflicted incarceration. Still, the instinct to _stay away_ is so ingrained at this point that it is unavoidable. And what if his dad answers the phone? What if he has to hear his voice again? Panic quickens his breath and makes his heart beat faster, but he knows he has to make the call. He _needs_ to know that Ben is alive. He is also curious about the rest of his family. What are they doing? Had their lives ended up as completely different this time around as Klaus’? Did they miss him the same way Five and Ben were missed in the first lifetime? (He doesn’t dwell on the last thought for long – no good could come from that line of thinking.)

****

_“So what, I just live forever? How is that supposed to work anyway? Is this another crappy ability I have no control over?” Klaus had been to the grey world so many times at this point, he often doesn’t bother with greetings when he sees the Little Girl._

_“You won’t live forever,” the Little Girl says like only an imbecile could think otherwise, “and it is isn’t_ your _ability that brings you back – it’s mine.”_

_“Oh, so I can thank you for this fun torture-fest. And I was just starting not to hate you again. Why?! Why are you doing this to me?”_

_The Little Girl sighs and stares at Klaus for a minute. “Fine, I don’t like to talk about My Plan, but I don’t like being cruel even more than that.”_

_“Really? Because that’s not what I see,” Klaus mumbles._

_“I’m bringing you back because I’m going to use you.”_

_“Use me?”_

_“Your world isn’t the only one. Each world is a little different; works under slightly different set of rules. For the most part, they all function fine, but some of them have.. issues.. problems if you will - that make them not quite as perfect as I intended.”_

_“Worlds?”_

_“Yes, worlds, planets, – now focus please. I’m not doing this twice. Fixing the issues is like solving a puzzle. I need to stay within the rules of that world.”_

_“And bringing me back to life isn’t against the rules?”_

_The Little Girl looks at him like he is an idiot and continues on. “Souls in your world have a hard time moving on. They tend to get stuck and linger in the world longer than they should.”_

_“Yeah.. I noticed that.”_

_“After the Apocalypse, I will use you to bring all of the lost souls through the gate to the other side.”_

_“So you’re keeping me alive until the Apocalypse?”_

_“Isn’t that what I just said?”_

_“But... we travelled to the past to stop the Apocalypse. So does that mean you are going to let me die? Won’t that be a surprise for dad when he kills me and I never come back – one more chance to disappoint him.”_

_“Your family can’t stop the Apocalypse. It is inevitable – it will always happen. It is only being delayed.”_

_“Delayed, huh? I can’t wait to see Five’s face when he finds out. He’ll act upset, but I know he’ll secretly enjoy it.”_

_“He won’t be there; it won’t come for a couple hundred years now, potentially a few thousand depending on a few variables. It isn’t that simple to destroy the world, your family aside.”_

_Klaus is shocked into stillness. “...You can’t do this to me.”_

_“I’m not doing anything. Your family is the one that aborted this Apocalypse. Free will is so annoying”_

_“Yeah, but you are the reason I keep coming back!” Klaus is moving past shock into anger._

_The Little Girl actually looks sad. “Look, this is bigger than you. Don’t worry, I’ll be watching over you. Now it is time to go, your father is waiting.”_

_****_

Klaus listens tensely to the ringing of the payphone receiver in his ear. This is the third number he’s tried and it is starting to look like he may not remember the phone number for the academy after all. Finally, someone picks up. _Please let it be Luther. Please let it be Luther._ Klaus is reasonably sure his dad would never deign to answer the general houseline, but he really didn’t want to talk to Pogo either. Their relationship had been strained by the trips to the mausoleum, but the last few years at the academy had broken it completely. 

“Hello?” It is Luther.

“Luther, hey – it’s me, Klaus.”

“Klaus? Klaus! Where are you? Klaus, we are all looking for you. Five’s back and everyone is searching. I can’t believe you just called.”

“Yeah – sorry about that. Stepped out for a minute, and whoops, next thing you know it’s been thirteen years... but.. Luther, it is really good to hear your voice.”

“Klaus, I know I speak for everyone when I say sorry. We weren’t -”

Klaus cuts Luther off, “hey Luther, it’s fine, but I need to ask a favor of you. It’s really important.”

Luther is slow to adjust to the rapid turn of the conversation. “..Yeah, sure, but Klaus..”

“I need you to not tell dad about this call. I promise, it’s for a good reason.”

“Dad’s dead, we had his funeral last month.”

A tension Klaus didn’t know he was holding drains out of Klaus’ shoulders. _Dad is dead._ Luther is droning on in his ear, but Klaus isn’t listening – processing this unexpected information.

“The old bastard is dead! Wait.. and you said Five was back. Does that mean that the Apocalypse is back on?”

“No, we stopped that. Klaus, were you listening? I was asking you –“

“What about the money?”

“Money? What are you talking about?”

Klaus rolls his eyes. “Dad’s money Luther, what’s happening with Dad’s money?”

“Klaus, I hardly think that is important. This is the first time we have heard from you in thirteen years and you are asking about money?

“Yeah, yeah.. you’re right. Sorry, money’s not important. It’s just like... for you know.. food and heat and stuff. You’re totally right.” There is not a drop of sarcasm in Klaus’ voice. “But did it like, all go to Pogo or what?”

“No, Pogo can’t legally own property. Some of dad’s business ventures went to his partners, but all of the private assets went to the seven of us – to be divided equally.”

“Seven, so that includes me?”

“That’s right, with no death certificate, legally your portion is being held in a Trust. But this doesn’t matter right now. We can talk about it when you come to the academy.”

“Come to the academy? Hell no, there is no way I am ever setting foot in that building again! So.. what do I need then, like a bank account or something? I probably need a legal i.d.”

“What do you mean? You have to come to the academy! We’ve all been worried sick about you. We found the videos dad made of your special training. Five is working himself ragged trying to find you.”

Klaus freezes. His voice is low, “Special training. You looked at the videos of my special training?” His heart is pounding. It took years, but he had reached an equilibrium with the trauma of the last four years in the academy. That equilibrium had been shaken when his consciousness of thirteen years ago had reawakened a few days before; it relied essentially on not thinking about his special training at all costs. Having the sessions mentioned unexpectedly in a conversation was like a punch to the gut. That other people had seen him being killed, witnessed it, made the experience concrete and undeniable. He feels raw, like an exposed nerve.

Luther hesitates. “Yeah, we did... you were gone and we thought it might give us a clue to what happened to you. We just wanted to find you; we care about you and.. you need to come home.”

Klaus’ head is spinning. He can’t do this anymore; he needs to sit down. But there is still one more important item, “Is Ben still alive?”

“Yes, he’s doing great actually. He really wants to see you.”

“Good, good. We’ll see each other. Look, I gotta go. Do you have a pen? I can give you a number where you can leave a message for me.”

“Go? Hold on – let me grab something. _Don’t_ hang up!”

Luther comes back and Klaus gives him the number. He hangs up and slides into a little ball in the corner of the phone booth.

****

_“Good morning! Or would that be good afternoon? What_ do _you say in a place that never changes?”_

_“What do you want?”_

_“And what makes you think I want anything?”_

_The Little Girl raises her eyebrows and doesn’t say anything._

_“I have some good news for you. For me too. Good news for both of us.”_

_The Little Girl says nothing._

_“If all goes as planned, this should be the last time we meet like this for a while.”_

_“You’re finally leaving.”_

_“That’s right.” Klaus has all of his plans in place. This is the last special training he would have to endure; tonight is the night he is leaving the academy. He doesn’t know why he had stuck around as long as he had. Every time he thinks back to the last few years, the memories are muddled and confused – like some vital piece is missing. He suspects it has something to do with his family stopping the Apocalypse. He doesn’t have any theories on how they had done it or how this could affect his memories; the Little Girl was never clear on the details. Then again, it could just be that being repeatedly tortured to death is not that great for the brain. Whatever the reason he is still here, he is determined not to spend another night in the hell hole he had called home for seventeen years._

****

After some time Klaus unfolds and looks around. It is still late morning and the sun shines brightly on the dull grey snow that is piled along the side of the parking lot. In the distance, cars are zooming down the highway but the dirt road that runs in front of Rose’s General Store is empty. Klaus gathers himself and heads into the store.

About half an hour later he steps out considerably lighter on his feet. Chatting with Sally, the young woman that was working the counter at Rose’s today, had brought him back to the present and helped him banish the specters of the past the phone call to the academy had brought up. There is (hopefully) some good news – Eddie had left a message for Klaus last Monday that he has a job for Klaus. Klaus doesn’t have a phone, but he is friends with the owner of Rose’s and the staff would take messages for him – convenient since the store is right next to the closest payphone to the cabin Klaus is living in. Eddie didn’t give any names, which could either mean that he had a new client – or that it was a job with someone Eddie knew Klaus wouldn’t be excited about. Either way, Klaus doesn’t have a lot of options. The offseason is just starting, and Klaus needs the cash. He might have just made an inheritance, but it is going to take some time to get access to it. Klaus walks back into the booth to call Eddie.

Eddie runs a very exclusive, very high-end escort service that caters to the wealthy socialites that vacation in Aspen. Klaus has no idea how much a weekend with himself would cost, most of it goes to Eddie, but in the end Klaus typically pulls in about a grand a night, plus tips, and all expenses paid for wining, dining, dancing, skiing, fucking, basically whatever his clients interests are, at one of the many high class resorts in the area. Klaus doesn’t want to think too deeply about what it means that he has turned to selling his body for money in both lifetimes. Before the memories of his first life came back, it could almost seem like a choice – it was glamourous in a way, to taste the lifestyle most people could never afford. But now that part of him that had spent years degraded on the streets, called a filthy whore and worse, wondered if this is really all he is good for. The difference (and this he takes pride in) is that in the first life he was a junkie and an addict and everything he did went to support his habit. In this life, everything is to support the tenuous but stable life of isolation he has set up for himself.

As he had suspected, it was a job Klaus isn’t excited about, but he had accepted it with reluctance. Sandy, a long-time client of Eddie, will be coming into Aspen for a long weekend the following week. Klaus doesn’t have a problem with Sandy; she is undemanding and slow to offend, content to let Klaus’ natural energy carry the evening. Klaus’ problem is with the ghost of Sandy’s sixteen-year-old son following her around. It is honestly kind of creepy having her son there watching them, particularly when things get intimate. He isn’t a particularly angry ghost, but he does have a bad habit of yelling at Klaus for being with his mother – even while Klaus is cloaking his ability. If the boy ever realized Klaus could see and hear him – it would be an utter disaster. _Maybe I can score some oxy before next week?_ Sandy is a low-level alcoholic, so there will be be a constant drip of champagne, red wine, and mojitos to help keep Klaus distracted from the ghosts, but he might need a little extra to make it through the nights with Sandy’s particular entourage.

_I should call Tony and let him know I’ll be out this week._ Klaus has a freedom that most of Eddie’s crew doesn’t have. A large part of that is a product of the long history between Klaus and Eddie. Klaus was there when Eddie was first starting to get into the game and Eddie’s success was largely due to his ability to provide access to the Séance. At one point, Klaus had lived in town, but although Aspen didn’t have as many ghosts as the city where he grew up, it had more than Klaus could stand. He had convinced Eddie to let him move out as well as to take his compensation in the form of cash instead of food and board. There were limits though, and if he had a job next weekend Eddie would expect him to be at the house Eddie provided for his crew by tonight. Klaus will need to get tested (a luxury none of Klaus’ clients had in the first life); visit the hairdresser; freshen up his wardrobe ( _Sandy had liked that green silk shirt last time_ ); and let Eddie keep and eye on him until next weekend.

****

“Rose’s General Store – how can I help you?”

“Hi, I’m trying to reach Klaus.”

“Is this Ben? You don’t need to keep calling every day. Klaus usually comes by on Fridays. He won’t get your message before then.”

“Oh.. ok. Sorry.. but could you just make sure he gets it. It’s really important.”

“I’ve got it right here on the message board – when Klaus comes by, he’ll get the message, ok?”

“Great... thanks.”


	4. Chapter 4

The sun is setting over the tops of the mountains when Klaus reaches the turn-off for the cabin from the county road. It has been a long day and an even longer week and there is nothing he wants more than to get home and crawl into bed. The week had started wrong right off the bus into town. Normally when Klaus must stay in Aspen, he relies heavily on the living to help distract him from the dead. It reminds himself of how he was in his first life, always talking, always doing, always moving. But this time it had been hard to maintain that social energy; he had been given a lot of baggage to unpack when his memories returned.

It was the last night with Sandy where things went from bad to terribly wrong. Klaus had woken up in the middle of the night to Sandy’s ghost-son yelling in his face and Klaus had freaked out. Sandy had to talk him down and, although she was nice at the time, Klaus knew that almost all his clients are closet sociopaths and she was going to take issue with having to babysit Klaus through the night. Sure enough, Eddie was already pissed by the time Klaus had seen him the following morning – which meant Sandy must have called Eddie to complain at the first opportunity. Klaus hadn’t really handled Eddie well either, worn too thin to be charming.

Klaus pushes the thoughts of the week aside, focusing instead on the walk before him. He is almost home, he is exhausted, and it is blissfully silent on the mountainside.

“ _Klaus..”_

Klaus freezes. He knows that sound, but he shouldn’t be hearing it here. Looking up he sees a gruesome figure on the trail ahead, a mangled corpse of a man, shuffling towards Klaus, calling out. Both arms look like they have been ripped off the man and his spine is bent at a strange angle. Klaus clamps down on his ability. Normally, Klaus is like a ghost magnet; they flock to him, feel his presence like moths to a flame. Klaus has learned to blanket this part of his ability, but it isn’t a passive process – it takes a small bit of focus. Klaus doesn’t usually need to hide himself outside of town - he knows the location of the few local ghosts and there shouldn’t be any here – so he isn’t bothering to do so.

The ghost turns, headed back up the trail the same direction Klaus is headed. Klaus quickens his steps. The ghost he just saw didn’t look like any he had seen for thirteen years. Death by dismemberment is an extremely uncommon way to die. For Klaus to see this ghost today, it could only mean one thing: Ben is waiting up ahead.

The number of ghosts grow as Klaus continues up the path. Not all of the ghosts he sees look like they had been ripped apart or punctured by the Horror. A fair number of the ghosts could have been bashed into a wall. _Luther must be here too._ _How fucked up is my life that I can identify my family by the corpses they leave behind?_ By the time Klaus reaches the cabin deck he is having to side-step and weave his way between the crowd of ghosts. The air is thick with their noise; most are lamenting their deaths, a few are angrier - yelling and cursing their fates and their killers. Already Klaus can feel a headache building. He is reaching for the door when he feels a strong hand grab his shoulder. He lets out a loud yelp and whirls around.

“Christ Luther, you scared the crap out of me!”

Luther is standing behind him, arms raised in confusion. “Sorry Klaus, I was calling your name but you weren’t answering.”

“Well it’s just a bit noisy here at the moment. Don’t worry about it, just... be more careful, ok? It’s good to see you.” Klaus reaches in for a hug and Luther awkwardly does the same. “You look... surprisingly the same. What happened? Was it another mission?” Klaus asks, referring to Luther’s oversized body.

Luther scratches the back of his head. “Yeah.. not the same mission, but it might as well have been. It went badly and when I woke up... well, I guess I was the same fool in this life as the last. But... this was a surprise.” He waves his hands at the surrounding woods. “I never thought you’d end up... here. You were always so into the city.”

Klaus chuckles lightly. “Yeah well, I wouldn’t have believed it either. But it is.. better. Leaving the city was the best thing I ever did, and this time I didn’t have any reason to stick around... that I remembered at least,” he corrects himself. “...I wouldn’t have just left if I had remembered our mission. There was just less.. family.. this time.”

“Yeah..” Luther looks just as uncomfortable as Klaus.

“Hey, where’s Ben?” Klaus changes the subject.

“Ben? He was just looking around the woods. I’m sure he’ll be back soon. How did you know he was here?”

“Ben’s ghost are rather distinct. An unusual number of ankle biters.”

“Ankle biters, like.. kids?”

“No, no, no. Nothing like that.”

“Ankle biters – people who have been ripped in half, right? So they are crawling along the ground?” Ben asks as he walks up to join Luther and Klaus.

“Ding! Ding! Ding! Got it in one.” Klaus turns around and wraps Ben in his arms. “You made it,” Klaus whispers into his ear.

“We made it,” Ben whispers back. He pulls back slightly to look at Klaus’ face, but neither man moves to break the contact. “I thought I might not see you again. I can’t believe you just left like that for thirteen years. Do you know what that would have done to me if you were gone?”

Klaus pulls back. “Well, nothing to worry about there. I can’t die anyway, as I understand you all have seen first-hand. But you know – a phone call would have sufficed. I _am_ glad to see you, but I can’t say that I was in the mood for hosting a rager tonight.” Klaus gestures at the empty field around the cabin. “My cabin is a bit small for this crowd.”

“Yeah, well, I tried a call,” Ben answers sharply, “and you never called back. We were worried. Did you think of that? What happened?”

“Nothing _happened_. If you haven’t noticed – I don’t have a phone. I’ve been busy – I haven’t had a chance to check for messages. I didn’t know you had called.” Klaus is also getting heated.

“Of course I called! We haven’t seen each other in thirteen years and you were _busy?!_ Dammit Klaus, do you even care?”

“You know I do! Don’t get mad at me because you overreacted. And we had a deal... I came to you. Instead, you just show up at my door – at the _worst_ time by the way – bringing your mutilated fan club with you. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid.”

“Bullshit! Don’t give me this ‘we had a deal’ crap. You were supposed to come to me! _That_ was the deal. I didn’t come to you, but _you_ _came to me!_ And you didn’t. You didn’t come!”

Klaus deflates, “It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. Besides.. there was nothing to be done about it anyway. We were stuck in the past until Five got his calculations done. There was no point in pulling you into my problems – you had your own life; you didn’t need to be tied down by me anymore.”

“So you just shut me out?”

“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it before.” Klaus is acidic.

Luther had been standing to the side, watching the heated exchange between Ben and Klaus, but he decided it was time to step in. “Ok, let’s all just cool down. We have a lot to talk about – but we don’t have to do it standing outside in the dark and cold. Let’s go in and give everyone a chance to calm down.”

Klaus is more than happy to let the argument drop. “Have you guys eaten? Why is it so dark – didn’t you light the lamps?” The cabin was always unlocked; if Klaus isn’t around and someone wants to break in, a lock would hardly slow them anyway. “You know it was open?”

Luther looks sheepish. “We.. uh, found the lamps, but we didn’t know how they worked.”

“Well I assume you haven’t eaten anything either then. I wasn’t planning on cooking, but I’ll fix some dinner.”

Klaus leads Ben and Luther into the cabin. The space is so full of ghosts that Klaus has no choice but to pass through them, navigating the cabin by muscle memory alone – unable to see any of the furniture through the press of bodies. “Luther, be a dear and grab the Amaretto from the pantry over the sink. There should be some mugs in the drying rack. You’re welcome to have one as well.” Ben and Luther exchange a glance which Klaus doesn’t notice. He didn’t really care what his siblings thought in any case – there was no way he was going through the evening stone cold sober. The alcohol wouldn’t do much, the ghosts would be a little more indistinct; their cries less intelligible, but it was what he had. With Ben and Luther assisting, Klaus builds a fire in the stove and lights the lamps. He opens a few cans of beef stew and places them to warm on the top of the stove. Luther tries to make small talk, but Klaus is completely oblivious to the attempt and Ben gestures to Luther to give it up.

After dinner Klaus lays out the sleeping arrangements. “You guys will have to share the bed. Luther, try not to roll over and smother Ben in your sleep – I did just get him back.”

“And where will you sleep?” Ben asks.

“I have this comfy spot on the wall.”

“That doesn’t work,” Luther protests.

“Who here spent over half a lifetime sleeping in alleys?” Klaus raises his hand. “Who here slept in a ditch in Vietnam? Anyone else? No? – ok then. This spot is practically a five-star hotel. I’m actually closer to the stove – and you are not ready for how cold it is going to get tonight, so really I’m the one coming out ahead here.”

“Klaus, you can’t seriously expect us to let you sleep on the floor?” Ben asks. In the end, Klaus prevails and Luther and Ben squeeze into the queen size bed. Klaus doesn’t have enough fuel to keep the lamps burning through the night most nights, but he splurges tonight and leaves one of them dimly on.

***

Luther awakens when the bed shifts and Ben sits up on his elbow – peering over to find Klaus. “What is it?”

“Klaus is having a nightmare,” Ben tells him.

“Let’s wake him up then.”

“Not yet, it’s not that bad and if we wake him up it might make it worse.”

“Now that is one of the dumbest things I have heard,” Luther responds, sitting up. “I’ll go get him up.”

“That’s a bad idea, trust me on this.”

“I can’t just leave him like this. It’s ok – I’ll be careful.” Luther is already climbing down around Ben to go over to Klaus.

“Seriously Luther, leave him alone.” But Luther has already reached out to softly shake Klaus on the arm.

“Klaus, hey Klaus – wake up,” Luther says gently.

Klaus’ eyes fly open and he shrieks. He tries to back away from Luther, but he is already pressed against the wall. His eyes dart around wildly – never landing on Luther’s face. “Klaus, Klaus – calm down!”

Ben sighs and comes over to crouch beside Luther. He pushes Luther away from Klaus and settles in Klaus’ field of vision. “Listen to me – I need you to breath. In for five...Out for five... In for five..”

Eventually Klaus’ eyes settle on Ben and his breathing slows. “You are so much better at this than Sandy.”

Ben ignores the reference to a person he has never met and asks Klaus, “Feeling better?”

Klaus looks around the room before answering. He sighs, “Not really. I don’t think I am going to feel better until you leave. This is just too much right now. Maybe we can try again another time, when I’m not so screwed up inside? I can bring some oxy or something.”

Ben looks disappointed, but he doesn’t argue. “We’ll leave first thing in the morning, ok? Now, let’s get you in the bed.”

“The night isn’t even halfway over – you still need sleep. You guys should go back to bed. I won’t be able to sleep yet anyway. Let me stay up for a bit and I’ll wake you when I’m ready to go to bed. We can take shifts, ok?” Klaus has no intention of waking Ben, but he knows that he won’t get his brothers to go back to bed otherwise. Ben looks skeptical but agrees. Klaus watches Luther and Ben disappear into the mass of bodies surrounding them, presumably to climb back into the bed. He sighs and pulls his knees to his chest, resting his forehead against them.

***

Klaus is still sitting several hours later. He feels like he is falling into a deep black well. He sees the years of his long future stretching ahead of him and despair wells up. If Klaus could end it today, he would. He hasn’t wanted to be in this world for almost sixteen years – he lost that desire somewhere on that table in Reggie’s lab long long ago. Klaus is, however, a survivor. He has no choice to endure – and so he does. He keeps the dark thoughts locked away. He clings to the things he does have. He distracts himself from the chasm in his soul. But too many things have happened in too short of a window and he can’t take it anymore. It hurts to lose his family all over again. To have them so close, present and offering love, but unable to enjoy it because the ghosts poison everything. They poison his life today and they will continue to poison his long, cursed, miserable existence.

Suddenly, Klaus stands up and silently stumbles his way to the kitchen and digs through the cutlery. Grabbing what he needs he slips out of the door, not bothering with his boots or a coat.

There was a certain feeling Klaus would get before his special training sessions, an intense detachment that would come when he knew he was about to face intense pain followed by inevitable death. He has that hollow feeling now, like someone has scooped out all of the unnecessary parts of him, and all that is left is an empty calm. Time moves in slow motion, every sense heightened. Klaus wades through the wall of ghosts surrounding the cabin. He lets the cloaking he had put up against the ghosts drop and they begin to turn to him, calling out for him. He doesn’t bother to try and pass around them – moving right through the mass leaving a swirling cloud of blue in his wake. He comes to the edge of the porch surrounding the cabin and steps down into the snow. He can’t hear the sound his footsteps make, but he can feel the crunching of the snow on the soles of his feet. He moves into the meadow and stops.

Klaus raises the knife and places it to his neck. His hand knows exactly where to place the blade; slitting his throat had been Reginald’s preferred mode of execution for its speed and efficiency; and Klaus’ as well for the same reasons. He only pauses for a second before slicing fast and deep – causing his blood to pour out in a flood, hot and steaming against the cold night air. Spots dance before his eyes and his vision goes black. Klaus doesn’t feel the tentacles that wrap around his body and cradle him before he can fall to the ground.


	5. Chapter 5

The sounds of the cabin door closing wakes Ben. He looks around, confused by waking in a strange place. _Where’s Klaus?_ His heart skips a beat. _Maybe he is just going to the bathroom._ The cabin doesn’t have any plumbing or electricity; Ben didn’t even know that outhouses were something that still existed in the world today until he saw it this afternoon. It is hard to reconcile this life that Klaus has built for himself with the city child that Ben knew in the first lifetime. Klaus' happiest moments in that first life were with people. The city was hard on Klaus, but there were aspects of it that let him flourish. Of course, nearly all of those good times involved drugs Ben realizes. Would it have been different if he had been able to convince Klaus to take him away like Ben had always asked, to the ocean, away from the city? Would the two of them found a place similar to this? Ben isn't an extrovert like Klaus, but even he finds the thought lonely.

Ben slips out of bed and pulls on his boots. He can hear Luther wake up as he steps out of the cabin, but he doesn’t stop to explain. The moonlight reflected off the snow illuminates the meadow in front of him, contrasted by the deep shadows of the surrounding forest. Klaus is standing about twenty feet away, back turned towards Ben. 

“Klaus!!” Ben yells, but Klaus does not respond – unable to hear the yell of his brother over the noise of the ghosts.

Ben sees the rush of blood, black in the pale light ( _so much blood_ ) that pours out and he releases the Horror with a silent command – _I need you now, protect..._ The Horror burst forth, already in tune with Ben’s desire, and reaches out to do the only thing they can, enfolding Klaus in their gentle embrace.

****

_Klaus wakes to see the face of the Little Girl peering into his. “You killed yourself,” she says, sitting back as Klaus pulls himself up to a seat beside her. “You’ve never done that before. I hope you don’t plan on making a habit of this.”_

_“It doesn’t count when you know you are going to come back. Trust me, if I thought I could really kill myself I would have done it long ago.”_

_“It still counts if it means I have to see you. Don’t do it again. As for your request – the answer is no.”_

_“You have to at least give me the chance to ask.” Klaus sounds tired and sad. He is too weary to argue with the Little Girl, but he can’t face the possibility of going back without accomplishing what he came here for._

_“Ok... tell me,” the Little Girl says, more gentle than usual._

_Klaus clearly did not expect that. “I.. well, you know how hard it is for me with the ghosts. And I know why I’m important to you - so I know it's possible...” The Little Girl raises her eyebrows at this but says nothing so Klaus goes on, “I thought you could maybe help me with them. And then it wouldn’t be so bad to have to... be stuck down there.” Klaus is rarely so hesitant, but he needs this so badly it is hard to get the words out._

_“You want to be able to send ghosts on yourself, without waiting for the Apocalypse.” The Little Girl states it for Klaus. He nods, lips pressed tightly together and looks away. “I’ve never given a mortal this kind of power before. It would be extremely dangerous.”_

_“Please..”_

_“Ok, but if you make me regret this, you will too.”_

_Klaus lets out a strangled cry and reaches out to put his arms around the Little Girl, but she sends him back before he can ever touch her._

****

Ben is on the ground on the cabin porch holding Klaus in his arms. Luther is standing behind him, trying to get Ben to tell him what happened, but Ben ignores Luther, talking instead to Klaus’ still form. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry – we shouldn’t have come here. I’ll go. I’m sorry – we had a deal. Please, I fucked up.” He knows that Klaus’ death shouldn’t be permanent. He hadn’t been able to watch any more of the videos Five had uncovered – but he had helped Five and Luther pour through their dad’s notes for further clues on where Klaus had gone. He knows sometimes Klaus would revive almost immediately, and sometimes it took much longer – there was no discernable pattern – but that Klaus would always come back. _Please, he has to come back._ But knowing that Klaus wasn’t really killing himself doesn’t ease any of the guilt in Ben that had begun festering two weeks ago. He has no idea what Klaus hoped to accomplish tonight – but the painful conclusion is that Klaus’ actions had to do with Luther and him showing up here – shattering this new life Klaus had built for himself.

“Ben,” Klaus opens his eyes and his face breaks into a smile. “Ben, what are you doing here? Don’t cry – I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking – you weren’t supposed to see this. But Ben, it’s ok – she said yes.”

“Klaus, you idiot. What are you talking about? How is this possibly ok?” Seeing Klaus alive and smiling makes Ben smile too, although tears are still pooled in the corners of his eyes.

“Klaus – are you ok? What happened? Is that your blood?” Luther bends over Ben’s shoulder to get a better look at Klaus.

Klaus pushes at Ben’s arms to try and stand and both Ben and Luther reach out to steady him as he gets to his feet. “Ugh, what a mess. I forgot how much blood I have.”

“Seriously Klaus; that’s what your worried about?” Ben snarks; it feels good and familiar, watching Klaus come back from the brink – and he feels nothing but relief.

Klaus smiles at him. “Watch this Benny,” and he closes his eyes. At first, nothing happens – Luther looks at Ben with a question in his eyes and Ben shrugs and gestures back to Klaus with his head. They wait, the only sound the night breeze moving the branches of the trees. Then Ben sees a faint blue glow that steadily is getting brighter. Blue forms begin to take shape, surrounding the three brothers and filling the meadow.

Ben’s brow furrows, “Klaus are you manifesting -” but he cuts himself short as the forms continue to glow brighter and brighter. It is clear Klaus is not making the ghosts corporeal. Instead – the blue shapes, so bright now they are blinding, are beginning to dissolve away. In a minute, there is nothing but clear moonlight.

“Klaus, what just happened?” Ben asks.

“They’re gone! It’s just us now. Do you know what this means?” Klaus looks at Ben, smiling.

“Yeah, I do,” Ben smiles back, "you can finally come home." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/21/21 - I edited the last line to be a little more satisfying. Credit to AmethystUnarmed whose comment inspired the change :-)


End file.
